HSV1

So today, I went to the university clinic (I don't have a health care provider out here). I went to see her because this is the second time I have gotten a cold sore. Obviously, the provider told me I have Herpes Simplex Virus 1 - oral herpes. I was prescribed some pills and I'm totally fine with it.

PIBNV asked me what the doctor said. I didn't want to tell him that I have HSV1, because that sounds bad. I had no choice to. He couldn't grasp the thought that I'm never going to get rid of it and that I have it forever. He kept asking me if there was anything I could do to completely get rid of it, but I told him no and that I have it forever. This whole day, he has been worrying and stressed over it. I keep telling him that it's completely common. A lot of adults have HSV1. I keep telling him not to worry about it, but all he does is worry and stress. I understand that it's hard to take in, but I want him to stop. I don't want this simple thing to bother him.

How do I tell him to stop worrying? Please help me...

My Weekend with My Marine

(edited because of all the grammatical errors 19/3/13)

So, PIBNV and I had been planning for the weekend (15-17/3/13) for 4 weeks. Mind, we haven't seen each other since January. I originally was going to take the train there - I'd leave my school town at 0555 and arrive in San Diego at 1745, yes, I am crazy - but PIBNV's mom and her boyfriend planned to go but couldn't. They decided to fly me down there, I am so thankful they did. Onward. 

Friday, 15/3/13, PIBNV gave me a call once he got on liberty. He has been getting liberty pretty early now that he's in weapons platoon. He gave me a call between 1700-1800, I can't remember exactly. But, once he did, I really wished that I had a flight that night. The more time with him, the better. Anyways, his mom came over to my house and gave me some things that he wanted. Boy, did he have a lot of items. It was good to see his mother. She looks at me as her daughter. :) His phone died, I'm not sure around what time, but he gave me a call later at night, maybe around 2300. We Skyped, but he couldn't hear me, so it was just me listening to and watching him play on his libbo buddy's friend's Xbox (he's been going there for the past couple weekends while he had alpha libbo) and him watching me play with all the silly effects on my webcam. I really wanted to talk to him, so I hung up on Skype and gave him a phone call. As much as we wanted to see each other over the internet and talk simultaneously, it was one or the other. Plus, I was getting a bit tired - it was midnight and I was sick. We conversed for about 45 minutes until he told me I needed my rest since I was waking at 0400 and leaving my house at 0500. We hung up and if I didn't fall asleep within the next 10 minutes, I was to call him, but I fell asleep even though I kept telling him I wasn't sleepy or tired. He was right, I was tired. Haha :P

My flight to San Diego was at 0635. I woke at 0400, slept for another 20 minutes, then got into the shower and got my carry-on ready and gathered the last minute items (like my phone charger and glasses). 0500, I threw my carry-on/purse on and opened my parent's bedroom door to tell my dad it was time to drop me off. It took us roughly 30 minutes to get to the airport - slow drivers in the morning, yo. Bag check-in and security took 30 minutes. My stomach was growling and I was getting really excited to see PIBNV. I needed to take my medicine too, but in order to do that I had to eat. I went to Burger King inside the airport, got a breakfast sandwich and rushed to my gate. My gate was at the very end of the terminal. Oh gosh, it was such a long walk and I was rushing because I wanted to eat and I didn't want to be late! Anyways, I made it 25 minutes before the flight. I ate my sandwich and texted PIBNV telling him that there were no delays and that the flight should be on time. He didn't reply. I assumed that he was sleeping - he later told me that he had to go back to base at 0330 or some time around that. Either way, I still think he was done around 0500 and just slept until he had to pick me up. Oh well. By the time I pulled out my note cards to study, it was to board. I was group B, so I had a bit of time. Again, I texted PIBNV and this time I told him that I was boarding. I wanted a window seat, but I didn't get my first choice. I sat on the aisle seat and fell asleep throughout the whole flight. 

I called PIBNV once we landed. I had a great smile. He told me he was already there, and I asked where I was supposed to go. Haha, it was only my second time flying to San Diego- my first time was in December 2012 for his graduation from boot camp. I didn't remember everything.  From the entrance of the San Diego airport for gate 5-10 (I believe), you can see people walking from the gate; that's where PIBNV saw me. Once I got on the escalator and saw him, my face lit up even more. At the bottom of escalator, my walking pace, as well as his, sped up. We hugged. It was a really tight hug, and it was long, but I liked it. I was feeling tensed and nervous, but once I was in his arms again, I was so relieved. It was the greatest feeling I've had for 2 months now. I had to tell him to let go because I had to get my luggage, which was full of his items. Hahaha. We waited for maybe 10 minutes before I got my luggage. We exited the airport and I met his libbo buddy as well as his libbo buddy's friend. The friend isn't in the USMC; he moved to San Diego with his fiance and child so that his fiance could attend school - the two (libbo buddy and friend) are from Iowa.

They dropped us off at our hotel and we got settled. We were at the hotel for 2-3 hours just relaxing and telling each other stories of our time away from each other. We caught a cab to Fashion Valley Mall. It was huge! The biggest mall I've ever been to and had sooo many stores I had never been able to go to. We went to a couple stores and then went to eat at The Cheesecake Factory. The food portions were huge, so we didn't get any cheesecake... :( I really wanted some. Haha. We continued to shop. PIBNV wanted to bring me to the beach, but the day was cold, gloomy, and cloudy. At about 1400, it started to get warmer. PIBNV thought about going to the beach, but we had no idea what to do with our bags. Fashion Valley mall was on the way to the beach from our hotel, so if we took a cab to the hotel then to the beach, that would be an EXTREMELY expensive cab ride. Plus, he wanted to take me to Pacific Beach, which was kind of far from downtown, so we just stayed at the mall. I forgot to add earlier that we called our 2 of our friends to see if we were going to see them that day. The plan was to go to the club, so I started to shop for some clubbing clothes. Haha. It was my very first time going to the club, so I didn't know what to wear. PIBNV and I ran all over the mall looking for clothes. We went to H&M where I found a SUPER cute top, then Forever 21 where I found a high-low skirt but bought high-rise red shorts from Charlotte Rouse because I couldn't find the heels I wanted to wear with the skirt. Haha.

Anyways, it was time for dinner with PIBNV's great uncle. I thought it was just going to be Great Uncle (I'm going to refer to him like family because it's easier... and his family considers me family, hehe :3), but it was also Great Auntie, Auntie, and her two kids. We went to Little Italy and ate at Filippi's Pizza Grotto. If I liked pizza, this place has got to be the greatest place ever, but I don't like pizza, so to me it's not. Hahaha! Anyways, we sat down and Great Uncle was talking to PIBNV about benefits of the Corps and the military in general. Great Uncle also told us about how he lasted 44 years (and still going) in the Navy. Well, he only served 20 or 24 years (I can't remember which) as a enlisted sailor then retired and became a civilian working for the Navy. He's so old, but he seem so young! He's very strong for being able to work so long. It's hard to think of him as a grandpa because of how young he seems. If I didn't know that he was the brother of PIBNV's grandmother, I would say he was PIBNV's mom's cousin.Great Auntie started talking about military life. She said she had to be strong, being a military wife with a husband who was constantly gone. The way she said everything made military relationships scary, but I know she doesn't mean it. Auntie was telling me that she didn't mean it to be like that,she's just making sure I know. Haha. PIBNV told Great Auntie that we had nothing to worry about because he knows I'm strong; he's right. I may miss him a lot at times and some times it may get to me, but I'm not leaving him just because I can't be with him physically. I love Brian, and I'm willing to wait however long I have to just to be with him... Back to the dinner. Great Auntie told PIBNV and I that we look alike, especially when we smile. Auntie said, "Mom! Couples don't want to hear that stuff!" Hahaha! It was so funny. I still haven't accepted that PIBNV and I look alike, but people tell that to us a lot, I just don't mind it. Anyways, the Greats dropped us off at our friend's hotel. They were already buzzing and I had to go back to my hotel to change and get my shoes - 500 West Hotel, never stay there. There were 3 Marines (including PIBNV) and a soldier in that room. The bathroom was FAR down the hall. I was not changing there especially because I was the only girl.

PIBNV and I took their car back to our hotel. We took less that 20 minutes and headed back. They said to meet them at the club, so that's what we did. To sum this up: my first time at a club was with my boyfriend, 2 friends, and an acquaintance; it was pretty fun and funny! I had a good time. :)

But that was our day. We had until 1400 the next day, but we stayed at the hotel until it was time to go. It was really relaxing. I just wished we had more time together... 

My weekend with PIBNV was great, really, even though it was short. At least I got to see him and be with him physically. People said I was crazy for going to San Diego the weekend before finals, but I say I'm not. My weekend has actually helped me. I feel much more confident about my finals than I would have if I stayed in my dorm all weekend. I feel like everything is going to be fine. I'm not stressing as much as I would be -- this is good. I stress way too much, and it causes my depression. So, I'm happy I went to San Diego to see my boyfriend for the weekend. I'm glad that I finally got to be with him after so long. I'm glad that I finally got to be in his arms once again and to be able to touch him rather than touch a mouse or a touch screen to see him... 

I miss him so much already, but we both have to do our work. I'm going to see him soon, and I know it. Well, 2-3 months is not soon, but I say soon because it helps me get through each day. 

I love Brian. I can't wait until the next time I see him. :)

A Bad Dream

Last night, I had a dream that I was greatly disappointed by PIBNV. I was with my cousin and in class I guess. Anyways, I was looking forward to seeing PIBNV after class because I knew he was going to be there. I was with a couple friends and a friend in the Army hanging out in the lounge. I called PIBNV to ask where he was because he was taking an awful long time. Suddenly I was walking with my cousin to my house, which in this dream was my old apartment. I was on the phone with PIBNV and my cousin heard my tone. I was getting angry and sad. I was beginning to cry, so she walked away. PIBNV was making fun of me and telling me how I wasn't going to see him at all. I was so angry I hung up. He didn't call back.
Not seeing him when I can is one of my biggest fears. Even the thought about it makes me sad. I know this dream means nothing because I know PIBNV will do whatever he can do to see me...

I will edit this later.

21/1/13-27/1/13

21/1/13 Last week on Monday, also known as MLK day, I had to say goodbye to my boyfriend. Well, it wasn’t really a goodbye, it was more of a see you later, but you know, whenever he leaves, I take it harshly. At the time, I didn’t know when I’d be seeing him. All I knew what that he would be able to have his phone on the weekends. He was leaving for ITB - Infantry Training Battallion, for those of you who don’t know (he’s in the Marine Corps). We heard that ITB was backed up so we had no idea when he’d be finished. He left my dorm around 10PM and I was just balling my eyes out. He got in his car and I closed the door. Once he started to back out, I just began to cry even more. I watched him drive away while trying to contain my crying since I had to go back into the building. I couldn’t talk to anyone that night. I just went straight to my room (I have my own room) and tried to cry quietly. That was hard. 

22/1/13 Tuesday. PIBNV (my nickname for my boyfriend) had his flight this day. His flight was at 0832 so I had time to talk to him in the morning before my 0900 class. Sadly, he was a bit too busy with his mom crying and all to call. It was okay though, because I knew he was going to call me once he got off the flight. My class goes until 1020, but I left early. I was in no condition to stay in class. I cried when I woke up, I cried on my way to class, and I cried once I left class. When I got in my room, I cried myself to sleep. I woke up to PIBNV’s call, but it was a short call because his shuttle had arrived. Once I received his last text before he had to turn his phone in, I cried and cried again. And then I remembered I had a 4-page paper due in exactly a week. I cried myself to sleep once again and woke up around 1330 to run for some volunteer work; I don’t think I should have gone… Again, I was in no condition for it.

23/1/13 Wednesday. Oh, what a surprise. What did I do? I cried. Ha. This day, I couldn’t concentrate. I was late for a lot of things and once I saw my high school friend, I was happy. I asked her if she could take me home that night. She said she could and bring me back on Friday (I was planning to skip my Thursday class), but then I remembered I had an academic advising appointment after class. Oh joy. Once again, I cried myself to sleep. 

24/1/13 Thursday. Wake up, cry just a little, and shower. Class was boring because I didn’t pay attention. I had an hour break between class and my appointment, but I had a club board meeting (I’m the public relations officer for a club). I tried not to cry during the club meeting so I tried to think of Fried Banana Ice Cream, which actually helped. After that, I went to my academic advising appointment. This one, this man, he drilled me. He didn’t yell at me, but he was asking me all these questions. Well, he didn’t have to, but I chose this road. He offered the kind hearted, short and sweet answers, but I didn’t want that. I wanted to know the truth. I got the truth. He asked me if anything was bothering me and I said yes. I couldn’t talk because tears already started rolling down from my eyes. I didn’t tell him what exactly was wrong, so I just said yes to family problems. I thought of PIBNV leaving and my mishap in the first week of the year. I thought of all the school work I didn’t want to do and I just cried. Silly me. I thought I was going to hate that adviser, but honestly I don’t. He told me what I needed to hear, and he pushed me to what I needed to do. He has actually really helped me. At the end of the quarter, I plan to go back and say thank you.

25/1/13 I felt a little better today. I had my whole schedule set on when I was going to do school work and what not. I worked in 40 hours of study, Monday through Saturday. Let’s hope I can do it. I have Chemistry with my high school friend and that day, she said she could take me home. I decided to stay. Bad choice. Anyways, I was getting ready to go to the gym and a floormate comes in to talk to one of my roommates. She said that her and her boyfriend were so sad when they saw me and PIBNV in the parking lot. They knew what we were going through because they too are a military couple. I was tying my shoes and I started tearing up, so I didn’t look up. My roommate said she was sad too, when I came back to the room. I couldn’t handle it and I didn’t want them to see me crying, so I said see ya later and headed off to the gym. 

26/1/13 I woke up, not wanting to get up from my bed until I got a call from PIBNV. He texted me but wasn’t able to call until later on. I finally got my butt out of bed, but I didn’t shower. I just grabbed my things from the common room, went back into my room and attempted my paper. Most of the time, all I did was cry. I’d be in the middle of a sentence and then I just stop and cry. This time, I cried pretty loud. I didn’t mean to. If my roommates were awake, I think they heard me crying. I texted a couple of my friends to talk for a bit. They were encouraging, so that helped. Finally, PIBNV called. I was sooo happy. It was only a 6minute call though, but it still made my day. I was walking to the mail room to send some mail to PIBNV. On the way there, I decided that I wanted to go home, so I called my parents. Within an hour, I was picked up. I saw my family, my cousins, and my grandma, I felt so much better. I got a call from PIBNV again, and this time it was an hour long call, it set my mind more at ease. I explained a little to my lovely cousin of my week. Then I asked her if she could help me with my paper. It took us about 2 hours to come up with an outline for my paper. You don’t understand how much I thank her for that. Because of her, I was able to finish my paper. 

27/1/13 Today, I’m feeling better. My little trip home helped a lot and PIBNV’s libo helped too. Last week was just full of crying and melt downs. But today, after I went to the gym (after I finished my paper, at 2000 -_-), I felt better. I was walking and smiling. I don’t know why, but I felt way better. I even weighed myself, but I was happy. I’m not at my pictured weight, but I’m happy. I’m happy about my classes, I’m happy about when I get to talk to PIBNV again, I’m happy I saw family. I’m looking forward to a better week. :)

My Marine

This is my Marine, my best friend, my boyfriend. We've been through so much together in just a short amount of time. I remember when I didn't think he'd mean anything to me. Lies. He became the most important thing to me after 8 months of knowing him. I love him, Brian, so much. I'm so happy I was able to see him graduate from boot camp. Right now, he's in ITB and I'm hoping I get to see him on the weekend of Presidents Day. I'll be so happy if I get to. 

I love you, Brian. Semper Fi.

College

So far, it's my second quarter of college. I don't know what I'm going to do. I mean, I've been in school my whole life and college was what I was looking forward to. Now I'm here, what's there to do? I've been so damn stressed and I honestly can't handle it anymore. I think after next quarter, I won't be coming back. I might just take a break from university. I'll probably go to community college and work at the same time. Plus, even though I have a junior standing, I am still undeclared and I have not idea what the hell I'm going to major in. If I don't get a major anytime soon, then I might even be able to attend this school anymore...

Hello Again

I came across a very interesting blog. I remember enjoying blogging, but no one read it, so I stopped. My senior year English teacher told the class that each of us should have at least 15 minutes of writing each day. I did that for 4 straight days on my Tumblr. Well, now, I will use this to have those 15 minute sessions. As of right now, I shall customize my blog as how I like. :)


UPDATE:
23:59
I decided not to customize x)